Tuesday, 18 March 2014

How do you deal with grief?

It’s often said that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual; and sadly neither does death.

Loosing someone close to you is hard to deal with, especially when it comes unexpectedly.

I recently lost my Mother to a rare and very aggressive cancer called Cholangiocarcinoma.  Something I had never heard of and it took me a week to learn how to say it properly. It’s actually bile duct cancer and Mom died just short of 5 weeks from getting her diagnosis.
As a daughter, I always knew that one day the time would come when I lost my parents but I never expected it to be so soon and so quickly.

Living over 350 miles away meant that I wasn’t able to be there with Mom in her final days; being cared for in a wonderful hospice. When diagnosed she had been given 4 – 6 months so for her to die so quickly was a shock for everyone.
We had to wait 10 days for the funeral – I would have much preferred it to have been sooner because there was this feeling of being in limbo. Unable to grieve properly because there was so much paperwork and waiting.

The funeral was as Mom had wanted; short; non-religious; and simple.
It’s hard to accept that she is no longer around. No more phone calls from her on a Saturday evening after she has checked her lottery tickets. No more letters through the post when she sends me photos of the flowers in the garden. 

I’m angry that she has been taken from me; it’s unfair and I want her back. It would have been her 77th Birthday on 21st March and cancer has denied me the chance of ever singing Happy Birthday down the phone to her again.

So how do you deal with grief? I wish I knew. What I do know is that it hurts like hell and even though people keep saying that it gets easier, I can’t ever imagine a time when I don’t think of her .

In honour of Mom, I am holding an online auction on Facebook to raise funds for AMMF - the UK's only cholangiocarcinoma charity. I'm hoping that by keeping busy on the day it will make it easier for me to deal with things.

I hope things get easier as time passes.



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