Tuesday, 23 December 2014

5 Years On!

On the morning of 23rd Dec 2009 I heard the words that would change my life – “I’m sorry, but you have cancer”.

Over the past 5 years a lot of things have happened. I stepped aboard a seemingly never ending rollercoaster. At the end of January 2010 I had a full hysterectomy; and when the pathology results came back showing that there were still cancer cells present I then had to go through chemotherapy and then radiotherapy. Then a week before my 47th Birthday in July 2010, my safety net of regular appointments ended and I was left alone to carry on my life.

How do you return to what was your life BC – before cancer? Everything has changed. Everything is different. Your outlook on life; your hopes and fears are all mixed up. People around you change as well. Those who you thought you could rely on fall away yet others step up to the mark and become new friends.
Since the treatment ended, my health has not got better like I expected it too. In fact, it’s got much worse.  Since being diagnosed with cancer, I have also been  diagnosed with an epi gastric hernia; an under active thyroid and lymphoedema in both legs.  I also have severe cognitive and memory problems and fatigue as a result of the treatment.  I don’t sleep very well and also have bowel and bladder issues, which is the reason why the epi gastric hernia isn’t going to be repaired any time soon!

The past 5 years have been tough, much more than I ever thought they would be. Had I known then what I know now there is a very good chance that I would not have had the chemotherapy or radiotherapy. The side effects of the treatment were never fully explained to me and for that I am extremely angry. However I can’t change what has happened and I have to learn to live with the consequences of the treatment.
There have been some very dark times as well recently.  Loosing my Mom to cholagniocarcinoma or bile duct cancer last Dec was extremely hard to deal with. The past year without her has been very hard and the anniversary of her death this year was tough to deal with.

5 years is a long time – an awful lot has happened and now is the time to take a step back and think about the future.

Where does the road go from here? Who knows?  I don’t have a map; I guess we’ll just have to wait and see where the rollercoaster takes us next!

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