If you are a decent, kind, compassionate, caring human being then you probably understand that life for someone who has chronic health issues can be hard.
You may have friends or close family members who have serious health issues or disability or you may have them yourself.
Chronic ill health or disability affects people in so many ways. It often goes way beyond the actual physical stuff & it often affects people emotionally, psychologically, mentally and even financially.
For me, one of the biggest issues is isolation. I don't mean loneliness; I've always been ok with it being just me and hubby and we have very few close friends.
The issue is that being housebound means you miss out of so much. Simple things that most people take for granted like feeling the sun on your skin or the breeze on your face. Getting caught in a sudden shower, the smell of freshly mown grass, taking a walk along the seashore, walking home late and night and seeing the stars.
Before I had my cancer treatment in 2010, we were both heavily involved in community life here on the island. We went camping; went for long walks around the island; spent most days out and about doing things, being involved with local community groups - the drama group, the horticultural society, the allotment group, the arts group etc.
Up until covid everything was relatively ok, then covid lockdown arrived and I didn't leave the flat for 6 months until I was airlifted to hospital with heart issues,which turned out to be Atrial Fibrillation which was then was followed by a mini stroke & being diagnosed with T2 diabetes.
That episode has caused far more problems than having cancer ever did.
What followed has been nearly 6 years of being housebound, not being able to go out at all. A combination of reasons, from severe & ongoing fatigue, bowel incontinence, limited mobility, lymphodema, muscle wastage and also being a full time carer now for my husband who is also housebound with severelly restricted mobility.
I can barely manage to look after myself but now I have to look after him aswell. He has carers come in twice a day to do his personal care & get him dressed/undressed etc but as he is neuro-diverse he finds it difficult to have them here so prefers to have me do as much as I can but I'm finding it harder and harder to do things for him.
Neither of us get any time to ourselves; time to chill out, wind down, just relax.
4 years ago we moved from a 1st floor flat to a ground floor flat with a tiny front garden which I had great plans for but my health is that bad that I can't do anything out there. It's kind of hard to do anything with a walking stick in one hand and legs that don't want to move!!!
The world goes on moving yet I know little of what is happening in my own community. What little I find out is through local FB groups. I often see posts from the local funeral directors of people who have recently died; people I've not seen in years.
I sometimes wonder if anyone would remember me if they saw a post about me. Does anyone ever say "I wonder how Kaz & Terry are doing?"
There have been so many events I would love to have gone to over the past 5 years. The local Pride events, the Highland Games, music events etc. The many shops that have closed down and been replaced by new ones. I'm guessing that I'd hardly recognise the shopping area in town these days.
The social isolation for me is far worse that the loneliness. Every day is like groundhog day. It's monotonous and seemingly never ending.
Not sure how much more I can stand of it. There is literally nothing worth living for, nothing to look forward to.
My life, once filled with being busy, doing things, going places, is now reduced to scrolling through social media trying to connect with the world that is going on out there.
The carers come twice a day but their presence feels like an intrusion into our privacy because neither of us want them here but needs must.
The future looks just as bleak as the past 5/6 years have been and I don't know how to change that.
Living life with chronic health conditions really sucks.
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