Talking - and the art of staying silent.

A trouble shared is a trouble halved - so the saying goes right?

There is a lot more awareness around mental health these days and a lot of it revolves around talking about things, breaking down taboos and making connections with those who understand.

Which in essence is a good thing but it relies on a couple of things in order for that to work effectively.

First, you need people to listen to you if and when you are ready to talk. Lots of people say they are there to listen, often posting memes on social media saying things like "I'm always here if you need to talk" but are you really going to be there at 3am in the morning when someone is at their lowest point and could really do with some support and a listening ear and reaches out to you because they are desperate for help?

Don't say you will be there for someone if you don't really mean it. And remember that a call for help doesn't always sound like "I need to talk" it can come in many different forms. Maybe asking if you'd like to go for a coffee, a walk or just a drive to nowhere special. Just someone in need of a bit of space, a break from the thoughts in their head.

Second, it is important to understand that not everyone wants to talk about things. Talking may help some people but not others. Their issues may not be easily resolved by talking about it, or resolved at all if for example they are health related issues.

Mental health issues display themselves in many different forms - anxiety, panic attacks, depression, PTSD, OCD, loneliness, postnatal depression, PMDD, SAD - the list goes on. 

Many suffer with several issues so there is no easy fix and talking may even make the person concerned feel even worse.

Sometimes saying nothing is the best option. Trying to explain to someone how you feel who has no idea what you are going through can make the situation even worse for the person concerned.

That's where listening rather than talking is the thing that is needed. 

Sometimes just knowing that someone is there for you is all that is needed. Someone who cares enough to just be with you, say nothing but keep space with and for you.

Those are the kind of people who can really help when someone is in crisis. 

When you are at a low point and feel like no-one cares and you feel like you have nowhere you can turn to for help, having someone there who recognises what is happening and is prepared to give you time and space and be there for you really can make all the difference.

 

The saddest thing is that sometimes those who shout loudly that they need help are the ones who no-one ever hears until it is too late.